Today is National Sibling Day - a day of celebration for
so many.
As you call your siblings to tell them how much you love
them and post childhood pics on Facebook, I ask only that you take a moment to
remember a forgotten group, a group for whom this day is a reminder of what
they never had, a group for which this day can be incredibly isolating:
only children.
While only children (onlies) are often seen as
"spoiled" or "selfish" or "unwilling to share" or
"entitled" or "people who make everything all about them"
or "that Faith girl who thinks the world revolves around her"...as an
only child, I would like to take this opportunity to share the darker
side to the only child existence.
A few examples:
Sharing - As a small child, everyone (Mr. Rodgers,
Big Bird, Captain Kangaroo) taught me how to share, but I had nobody to
practice with. I knew how to share, but didn't have to - ALL OF THOSE TOYS and
nobody to share them with. Incredibly frustrating.
Bruises - Remember your sibling pulling your hair
and hitting you with a baseball bat and daring you to jump off of things?
It may have seemed rough at the time, but now you have a story! When you
are at a group gathering and the leader says, "Everyone please stand up,
say your name, and tell us how you got your favorite scar", you can say
"My name is so-and-so and this bruise on my elbow is from when I stole my
sister's favorite CD and she..." I'm stuck telling the story about
how I, unprompted and on my own accord, ran into a wall.
Pre-Judgement - Nobody has ever judged me for being
somebody's sibling. No teacher has ever said, "Oh, I had your
brother in class", with a knowing look, setting me up for either failure
or success and forcing me to overcome an obstacle. Similarly, nobody has ever
been judged solely based on their relationship to me and my
behavior. I don't know, that second scenario just seems kind of
fun.
Conflict Management - Take a moment to think about
how you learned how to deal with conflict, and it was probably from fighting
with your sibling. It may not feel like a valuable skill, but I
assure you: it is. I grew up in a conflict-free home and am incapable of
confronting anyone/being confronted by anyone at any time about anything.
Seriously, next time you see me, tell me about the thing I did that you
didn't like and watch me turn around and run away - you'll see.
Unrealistic Television Expectations - Growing up, I
got to watch whatever I wanted to watch on tv without objection because I was
the only one in the house who liked television enough to care. It
never occurred to me that other people may not want to watch what I want to
watch. Dave and I have lived together for many years and it still
shocking when I want to watch Real Housewives and he wants to watch Family
Guy...how is that even possible?
Backseat Zone - You know how you had to carve out
territories in the backseat of the car on long car rides? Only children
had the entire backseat kingdom to ourselves - I had a spot for my books, a
spot for my walkman, room to lay down and take a nap... There's not actually a
down-side to this one - I'm basically just bragging.
So, on this National Sibling Day, please remember those
of us with no siblings to call our own.
It doesn't have to be much - just maybe take a moment
from you celebrations to tell us that we matter too (and that we are amazing,
beautiful, incredibly awesome, perfect people).
Please, take the time to ensure us that the one day of
the year not actually about us...is still a little bit about us.
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