Obituary: Blue IPod Nano #5 (4/19/18)



Friends and family (mostly just Faith) are mourning the loss of Blue IPod Nano #5 (Nano), who passed away on Tuesday, April 17, 2018 after a short, but brave, fight with an unidentified illness, probably related to overuse and sweat damage. A consummate worker, Nano entertained to the very end, continuing to play music and podcasts in 2-3 minute spurts before shutting down for longer and longer periods of time, until she stopped charging and her screen went black for the last time.

Nano was a resident of Arlington, VA at the time of passing.

Nano, 1 year (give or take), was purchased from the Rossyln Target store at some point in early 2017 and immediately began joining Faith for her long runs and workouts. A loyal and steadfast companion (regardless of weather conditions or distance), Nano motivated Faith through a summer of training for Iron Man Louisville, joining her up until the final training runs for that race. Without Nano faithfully playing episodes of WTF, Bitch Sesh, and This American Life or shuffling through the annoyingly peppy and upbeat music of the “Running 2017” playlist, Faith undoubtedly would have cut some of those important runs shorter than they were supposed to be.

Unfortunately, Nano was not allowed to cross the Iron Man finish line, as listening devices are not allowed in Iron Man competitions. Friends and family (mostly just Faith), however, agree that Nano had the spirit and heart of an Iron Man finisher.

As Apple discontinued IPod Nanos in July 2017, Nano was truly one of the last of her kind. In a world where more and more people use their phones as their preferred listening devices, demand is no longer what it used to be for the MP3 players of the very early 2000s. Still, for people who are slow in adapting to technology and don’t like change (mostly just Faith), the presence of Nano was a comfort and a joy.

Nano was preceded in death by approximately (give or take) 9 IPod Nanos of various colors and generations, as well as 3-4 IPod Shuffles. Other than Faith, Nano is survived by Dave and PJ (but mostly just Faith...although PJ did enjoy playing with her headphone cords). She is also survived by 2 recently acquired siblings (Refurbished Red IPod Nano #2 and Refurbished Blue IPod Nano #6) who were purchased out of fear and are being stockpiled because Faith doesn’t like change and is terrified of a world without Nanos.

Nano was laid to rest in a private ceremony on the day of her death. She will not be buried, but will be kept in a box under the bed with all of the other old, non-functioning IPods, cameras, phones, Walkmans, portable CD players, and random chargers and wires that Faith cannot bring herself to throw out.

In lieu of flowers, the family (mostly just Faith) requests that each of you send Apple an email (or tweet) to request the return of IPod Nanos to the market (Walkmans too).



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