I snap judge.
I’m a snap judger.
I develop an opinion about a person the minute I meet them.
That initial opinion is generally sort of negative and is pretty much always completely and totally incorrect.
9.999 times out of 10, it takes only 5-10 minutes before I realize that I actually really, really like a person who I just (literally, like 4 minutes earlier) decided that I, without question, did not like at all.
I don’t know why I do it.
It just happens.
These bogus opinions seem to form completely on their own, without any solid evidence to back them up, only my (completely inaccurate) gut instincts.
Ironically,
(Actually, I’m not sure it’s ironic…it might be hypocritical. For my own self-preservation I am going to go with ironic, but feel free to call it how you see it.)
one of my biggest fears is being the victim of the snap judgment of other people.
It's so unfair that somebody would form an opinion about me based on practically no information.
How dare he/she/they!
They don’t even know me!
Why the self-analysis? It actually does apply to the following story...I promise.
On a recent Saturday morning, Dave and I found ourselves in a Best Buy in western Florida. It was something of an emergency, as we were on the third day of a four day vacation and my Ipod Nano’s screen had solemnly and decisively gone dark. It had been ill for a few weeks, not charging well and losing sound, and it finally just couldn’t handle one…more…podcast.
It slipped away slowly in the night.
Since hotel fitness centers often have only one tv, forcing you to watch whatever the person in possession of the remote (usually that sweaty guy on the bike) wants to watch, I always have my own entertainment on hand because I, for one, don’t want to get stuck watching something like ESPN or Man Vs. Wild or the news (the sweaty guy on the bike never seems to go for "Real Housewives").
If I was going to work out the next morning, I needed a new Nano STAT.
It took about 10 seconds to find the Ipod section, but the various Isomething devices were behind lock and key and the employees on the floor were all occupied with other customers.
There were two employees in my immediate area:
1) a younger guy with thick, trendy black hipster glasses and good hair who was trying to sell a guy a tv and
2) a soccer-momish-looking woman trying to sell a couple a computer.
I was kind of hoping for Hair Guy, as Soccer Mom seemed annoying (absolutely zero basis for this assumption - see self analysis above).
I kind of hovered in the Ipod aisle, watching and waiting patiently (but alertly) for one of them to finish up.
Hair guy finished first (he didn’t make the tv sale…the guy had to "go and think about it") and walked my direction.
“What can I do for you?
I told him that I just needed to grab a Nano from the case and he asked which color.
I had been thinking about the color as I waited and was totally ready with my answer, “Purple please.” to which he responded,
“Of course.”
Now, “Of course” sounds like a perfectly natural response in this scenario:
“Of course I will unlock the Ipod case and get you a purple Nano, because I have been given the key to this very Ipod case for this exact purpose.”
But, in this case, there was tone in his response that altered “Of course”, making it sound, instead, like this:
“Of course somebody like you would choose a purple Nano. It’s so obvious that somebody like you would choose a purple Nano. Typical.”
He pulled a purple nano from the case and walked me to the cashier at the front.
I felt so confused,
so misunderstood,
so JUDGED!
what could I have done differently?
What did I say, or do, or convey that screamed
"Look at me - just another generic Purple Ipod Person...like all of the other Purple Ipod People...not special at all”
I started thinking through the IPod Nano color selection.
Which color would have been a better, more original choice?
Which color would have led to a more positive response, maybe something along the lines of:
"Wow! I would not have guessed that you would pick that color. What a pleasant surprise! You are so cool!"
Dark Gray: Dark Gray Nano people are obviously very serious and boring. Why choose dark gray when you can have any other color (purple, for instance)?
Light Gray: A Light Gray Nano person is overly concerned with appearance - clearly, they want a nice neutral color that doesn't clash with any of their workout outfits.
Pink: Breast cancer awareness, tween or Real Housewife.
Yellow: Yellow Nano People are very cheerful, positive, and outgoing.
(yeah, in the case of yellow, I can understand why Hair Guy would make an assumption that this was probably not my Nano color...I don't exactly scream "sunshiny"...I get it)
Blue: Blue Nano People are super, super interesting and cool (did I mention that my last three Nano were blue?).
Red: Red Nano People are giving and globally minded (no, really, they are - sales of the red Iproducts go to help fight AIDS in Africa – remember the Bono ads?). I like to think that I'm giving and globally minded...and I would totally have gone with red...but they were out...and I NEEDED a new Nano at that very moment...it was an emergency!...Tosh.0!...the NEWS!
Green: Green Nano People are earthy - you know, like leaves, and grass,and plants, and hikes, and stuff. I recycle and would like to own a Prius someday, but, realistically, my carbon footprint is probably still too large to make me a Green Nano Person.
Purple: Purple Nano People don't fit any of the molds - they are original and unique...
or so I thought...
but Hair Guy, with the tone of his "of course", was suddenly making me doubt that belief.
Maybe Purple Nano people were just followers - not unique at all - and maybe I was just one of them.
After all, this complete stranger in a Best Buy in Florida could see that I was going to pick purple from a mile away.
Within seconds of interacting with me, he could see that I wasn't a Light Gray Nano Person, a Red Nano Person, a Pink Nano Person, but a Purple Nano Person - definitely purple, "of course".
Maybe I wasn't as original a person as I thought.
I couldn't help but question everything I knew about myself - the core of who I was.
As I stood there, at the Best Buy check out, feeling very unsure of everything,
I pulled out my purple wallet...
and paid for my purple Nano...
and the purple Ipad cover I was also purchasing...
which perfectly matched the purple shirt I was wearing,
and reviewed my words and actions, baffled at what exactly Mr. Hair saw in my aura, in my very being to lead him to make such unfair assumptions about what sort of person I was and, therefore, what color Ipod I would choose.
He must be a Dark Gray Ipod person - only a Dark Gray Nano person would make such a snap judgment.
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