When I was 25, I had standards…I had beliefs…I had causes…I had convictions…and I had every intention of holding firmly to those standards, beliefs, causes, and convictions forever (and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever).
At 25 I was wrapping up 2 years in the Lutheran Volunteer Corps (LVC) – an experience grounded in simplicity, social justice, community and spirituality. During those two years, I worked at nonprofits, lived on very little, and shared my time with housemates who were all doing the same thing. We learned about how to live together (frugally) and focused on simplicity and social justice through our work, the choices we made, and how we lived our lives in the city.
It was a fantastic two years.
Coming out of that experience, I felt incredibly sure of things (hence the aforementioned standards, beliefs, causes and convictions), and, above all, was beyond sure that I would never, ever "sell out" where those standards were concerned.
Over the years, while I still feel sure about a lot of things, I haven’t exactly stuck to the program…at least not to the extent I envisioned it back in 2003.
A few examples:
-I don’t always recycle.
-I traded in the challenges of city life, for the ease of the ‘burbs.
-I haven’t been to a protest in years (and, within walking distance of DC, finding a good protest would not be difficult on any given Saturday).
-I work for a for-profit.
-I eat out more than I should (sometimes, in a pinch, supporting businesses that I don’t especially like or respect - cough, cough, Chick-fil-a)
-Solely out of “convenience”, I buy fruits and vegetables (shipped from God knows where) at Giant, rather than buying locally from one of the local farmer’s markets (one being less than 2 blocks away) or joining a CSA (many of which deliver things like kale and squash directly to your door).
-I live 3 blocks from the metro, yet I drive probably 75% of the time.
-More often than not, I choose crappy, mindless television shows, over a good book or informative article (even over a good or informative television show).
-I shop, from time to time, at Walmart (good deals…low wages for employees….good deals…force employees to work on Thanksgiving…good deals)
Many of these examples may seem fairly insignificant, but, were she to see this list, 25-year-old Faith would shake her head in disappointment and bemoan the fact that I have, in fact, sold out in a lot of (small, but not insignificant) ways.
At the very least, she would be incredibly annoyed (particularly about the whole Walmart thing).
*Note: 25-year-old Faith may have been a tad judgy...ok, she was really judgy.
None of this, however, can even come close to comparing to how 25-year-old Faith would react to a choice I made yesterday.
A choice that would infuriate her.
A choice that would disappoint her.
A choice that would make her question all that she would eventually become.
*Yesterday I downloaded the song “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus*
Yes, THAT Miley Cyrus.
Miley Cyrus who was once a Disney Channel icon to little girls everywhere,
Miley Cyrus who then decided to double-back and completely change her persona to the opposite of the Disney Channel,
Miley Cyrus who gained a ton of attention for wearing very little, twerking, and being, well, skanky (I don't know how else to say it) on a nationally televised awards show,
Miley Cyrus who filmed a music video naked on a wrecking ball,
Miley Cyrus who then admitted freely that all of the above were strategically crafted choices made, primarily, for the purpose of gaining publicity.
Now, 25-year-old Faith was not a prude. I think she would have believed that Miley Cyrus should have the right to express herself however she feels necessary, as does any woman. 25-year-old Faith would, however, have a serious problem with Miley Cyrus doing controversial things, not as a form of self-expression, but simply to gain attention and make money.
I can see 25-year-old Faith now, her eyes full of judgement.
The conversation would probably go something like this:
25-year-old Faith: Why, 35-year-old Faith, why? Why would you spend $1.99 to support this nonsense?
35-year-old Faith: The song is just so catchy.
25-year-old Faith: What happened to you?
35-year-old Faith: …and it’s a good song to run to.
25-year-old Faith: How could you support something that stands for absolutely nothing but profit?
35-year-old Faith: …and the melody gets stuck in my (your) head.
25-year-old Faith: Even Lady Gaga stands for SOMETHING (even if it’s not abundantly clear what that something is). Where is your integrity?
35-year-old Faith: It’s a very popular song – lots of other people have downloaded it.
25-year-old Faith: And all of this would be forgivable if it was at least a good song… but it’s not, Faith, it’s just not.
35-year-old Faith: But I like it...
But she’s right. My younger self is right, and we both know it.
Not only am I a sell-out, but, in the past 10 years it would seem that my taste in music has actually regressed (and I think there were at least a few Aqua songs on my playlist back then, so the bar wasn't exactly high).
A sad state of affairs,
which I will ponder,
as I turn on my Ipod,
scroll to the “Run” playlist,
and commence listening to the (catchy, yes, but not-great) song,
of a sell-out artist,
thoroughly disappointing both my past and present self.
"I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
And instead of using force
I guess I should've let you in"
(I know, I know, the lyrics don’t even make sense.)
So, it seems that, in terms of my musical choices, I'm not quite ready to live up to the standards of my 25-year-old self.
For now, I will just have to focus on getting back to the smaller, easier changes - things like recycling more, driving less and trying to buy local.
You know, baby steps. :)
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