lack of sleep = bad decision = lack of sleep = I should have watched more "Saved by the Bell" (5/18/11)
One recent afternoon, I found myself sitting, exhausted, with a pounding headache and a gazillion day-old and half-thought-through ideas wandering through my head.
I had to ask myself, "Faith, what led you to this point?"
And the voice of reason (who tends to answer the obvious questions I ask myself) answered:
"Duh, Faith, you didn't learn from Jessie's mistake."
(That would be Jessie Spano, from "Saved By the Bell", and the voice of reason was 100% correct.)
It's a widely known and accepted fact that 7 hours of sleep is ideal for most adults. One would think that a responsible 32 year old woman who (aside from a strong weakness for nachos and white cake with white icing) generally makes healthy lifestyle decisions would be fully capable of reaching this ideal.
That's what one would think.
For 7 hours of sleep, I would need to go to bed at 10:15 pm.
I consistently attempt to make this bedtime deadline and those attempts generally go something like this:
9:00 - Turn off the tv and head towards the bathroom to start brushing my teeth.
9:05 - After flossing but before gargling, realize that I haven't checked the weather for the next morning.
This is super important because if there is rain in the forecast, I can't run outside and will need to get up earlier in order to get to the workout room asap to lay claim on one of the 5 treadmills.
The 5:30 treadmill crowd at my building is a pretty dedicated bunch and you have to get there by 5:25 at the very latest to stake claim on a machine - 5:15 to get one with a working tv which, let's face it, is key to a good workout.
(What's that you are saying? Walk two blocks to the gym where I actually pay a membership and could use one of 20 treadmills - all of which have working tvs? That's not the point.)
9:08 - Clear skies - an outside run it is! Of course, while the IPad is out and on I have to check email really quickly...and facebook...and play a few screens of Angry Birds....and one round of Snood.
9:28 - The weather channel did say it was going to be chilly, so I should find and lay out my hat for the run tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, the hat is somewhere in our mess of a closet with the scarves, mismatched gloves, the cat leash (I know, I know, a leash for a cat - ridiculous right?), rain poncho, 2,000 different brands of running belts (only two of which I actually use), the bright yellow non-working umbrella and the bright pink umbrella that does actually work...needless to say, finding the hat takes a while.
9:37 - Ding! Clothes dryer is done. I guess I could leave my stuff in the dryer until tomorrow morning but by then everything will be cold and wrinkled and un-wearable (well, un-wearable without ironing and who wants to do that) so it's probably better to just take them out and fold them here and now.
9:46 - Putting my clothes away, I notice how messy my closet is so I decided to take out a few things, refold them and put them back because I don't want to wake up to a disorganized closet.
9:58 - Look - it's that purple sweater I forgot I bought a month ago! Wow, it will look really nice with my gray pants (which is, I think, why I bought it in the first place). I could totally wear it tomorrow, but I should try them both on - just to make sure it looks right. I don't want to count on wearing it, find that it looks stupid, and have to go back to the drawing board with 4 minutes to get to work.
10:10 - The purple sweater doesn't look so great with the gray pants but it probably looks ok with the black skirt - better try that on too.
10:15 - I wonder if anybody has commented on my facebook post....should probably check.
10:30 - Head towards the bathroom to brush my teeth
11:00 - in bed.
Unsuccessful.
So, as you can see, hitting my target bedtime is a bit of a problem, and because coffee, diet coke and green tea no longer have any effect (through constant exposure to caffeinated beverages, my body has chemically adapted and proves immune to their power - sort of like a superhero - at least that's how I like to think of it), I have been known to, in those after-lunch hours, get a tad....bit....sleepy.
And that is where Jessie Spano comes into the picture.
I'm sure you all remember the very special episode of "Saved By the Bell" in which Jessie, in her quest to get into Stanford, becomes addicted to caffeine pills during finals week?
Remember, Zach confronts her and she breaks down "I'm so excited... I'm so excited.... I'm so... scared." (if you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about - the incredibly overdramatic clip can be found on youtube).
Now, before you jump to any conclusions, I am not, and have never been, addicted to caffeine pills.
(Special note to my mother: Mom, don't worry! I do still have the slight addiction to diet coke, of which I know you strongly disapprove, but I am not at all addicted to caffeine pills)
I do, however, keep a very small bottle on hand for those times of extreme sleepiness.
They are only used on the really rare occasion that the normal tactics (a quick walk to the front of the office and back, a piece of candy, an email to a friend, an unpleasant gulp of the really concentrated sludgy afternoon coffee) don't work.
Even then, I only take 1/2 a pill.
But, see, there was that day (the day before the day of the pounding headache, as a matter of fact), when I was experiencing the before mentioned "extreme sleepiness".
This wasn't just the "blah, I'm sleepy and can't concentrate" sort of sleepy. No, this was serious.
This was a sleepy I have only felt once before...
Picture it:
Winter 1999.
An 8 am class at St. Olaf College.
The Minnesota snow falling gently outside the window. A cozy classroom of only 20 students.
A psychology lecture (a required course - not my major and not something I was terribly interested in).
Faith in an epic (and embarrassingly obvious) battle (in the front row, directly in front of the professor) to keep her eyes from shutting.
It was one of the most painful hours I have ever experienced - much more painful than any of the marathons I've run.
So yes, this was serious.
I took a 1/2 pill
and then...
against my better judgement I took the other 1/2
and then...
I don't really remember the rest of the afternoon.
BUT I do know that I got a whole, whole lot done (whether it was done well, I cannot confirm).
And the productivity didn't stop there. Afterwards, I drove straight to Washington Lee High School to swim!!!
(normally going to the pool to swim laps would not warrant three exclamation points, but I had a whole lot of artificial energy and was really excited)
My plan was to swim 4 sets of 20 laps - normally, about an hour.
2 hours of laps later I had thought through a lot:
I had decided to take some Arlington Adult Education classes (the abc's of investing, beginning guitar, basic car repair).
I had made a firm commitment to get back into scrapbooking (and mentally sorted through some pictures for ideas for pages).
I had planned a trip through Europe.
I had drafted a blog (which, incidentally, you will never see because when I sat down to actually write it, it made absolutely no sense).
I thought of a great way to re-arrange a few pieces of furniture in the apartment.
I resolved to take golf lessons in preparation for retirement in 30 years.
I decided that I would read a book a week and decided on the first 4 (doubtful, seeing as how I currently average a book every 3-6 months).
I was also still only on my first set of 20 laps (not even halfway through my workout).
With all of the caffeine-induced planning, I kept losing track of what lap I was on.
I was enjoying the overall experience so much that every time I lost track, I just started back at lap one.
It seemed perfectly logical at the time.
Who knows how many laps I actually wound up swimming that night, but it was one heck of a workout.
When I eventually got home, I was so tired that I actually made it to bed by the 10:00 deadline.
Unfortunately, physically tired and mentally tired are two very different things and the concentration of caffeine still buzzing around in my system prevented any actual real sleep.
So, I woke up the next morning a gazillion times more tired than I had been the day before, with a headache, with a blog idea that made no sense, and with several new personal goals that I might be able to reach....eventually...as long as I start going to bed at 10:00 and stop taking caffeine pills (even in emergencies).
Incidentally, I did add one additional goal to the list - re-watch all 5 seasons of "Saved By the Bell".
There could very well be other life lessons to re-learn.
(see the blog from Nov 2009 for another lesson learned - or not learned - from television shows of the '80s/'90s)
I had to ask myself, "Faith, what led you to this point?"
And the voice of reason (who tends to answer the obvious questions I ask myself) answered:
"Duh, Faith, you didn't learn from Jessie's mistake."
(That would be Jessie Spano, from "Saved By the Bell", and the voice of reason was 100% correct.)
It's a widely known and accepted fact that 7 hours of sleep is ideal for most adults. One would think that a responsible 32 year old woman who (aside from a strong weakness for nachos and white cake with white icing) generally makes healthy lifestyle decisions would be fully capable of reaching this ideal.
That's what one would think.
For 7 hours of sleep, I would need to go to bed at 10:15 pm.
I consistently attempt to make this bedtime deadline and those attempts generally go something like this:
9:00 - Turn off the tv and head towards the bathroom to start brushing my teeth.
9:05 - After flossing but before gargling, realize that I haven't checked the weather for the next morning.
This is super important because if there is rain in the forecast, I can't run outside and will need to get up earlier in order to get to the workout room asap to lay claim on one of the 5 treadmills.
The 5:30 treadmill crowd at my building is a pretty dedicated bunch and you have to get there by 5:25 at the very latest to stake claim on a machine - 5:15 to get one with a working tv which, let's face it, is key to a good workout.
(What's that you are saying? Walk two blocks to the gym where I actually pay a membership and could use one of 20 treadmills - all of which have working tvs? That's not the point.)
9:08 - Clear skies - an outside run it is! Of course, while the IPad is out and on I have to check email really quickly...and facebook...and play a few screens of Angry Birds....and one round of Snood.
9:28 - The weather channel did say it was going to be chilly, so I should find and lay out my hat for the run tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, the hat is somewhere in our mess of a closet with the scarves, mismatched gloves, the cat leash (I know, I know, a leash for a cat - ridiculous right?), rain poncho, 2,000 different brands of running belts (only two of which I actually use), the bright yellow non-working umbrella and the bright pink umbrella that does actually work...needless to say, finding the hat takes a while.
9:37 - Ding! Clothes dryer is done. I guess I could leave my stuff in the dryer until tomorrow morning but by then everything will be cold and wrinkled and un-wearable (well, un-wearable without ironing and who wants to do that) so it's probably better to just take them out and fold them here and now.
9:46 - Putting my clothes away, I notice how messy my closet is so I decided to take out a few things, refold them and put them back because I don't want to wake up to a disorganized closet.
9:58 - Look - it's that purple sweater I forgot I bought a month ago! Wow, it will look really nice with my gray pants (which is, I think, why I bought it in the first place). I could totally wear it tomorrow, but I should try them both on - just to make sure it looks right. I don't want to count on wearing it, find that it looks stupid, and have to go back to the drawing board with 4 minutes to get to work.
10:10 - The purple sweater doesn't look so great with the gray pants but it probably looks ok with the black skirt - better try that on too.
10:15 - I wonder if anybody has commented on my facebook post....should probably check.
10:30 - Head towards the bathroom to brush my teeth
11:00 - in bed.
Unsuccessful.
So, as you can see, hitting my target bedtime is a bit of a problem, and because coffee, diet coke and green tea no longer have any effect (through constant exposure to caffeinated beverages, my body has chemically adapted and proves immune to their power - sort of like a superhero - at least that's how I like to think of it), I have been known to, in those after-lunch hours, get a tad....bit....sleepy.
And that is where Jessie Spano comes into the picture.
I'm sure you all remember the very special episode of "Saved By the Bell" in which Jessie, in her quest to get into Stanford, becomes addicted to caffeine pills during finals week?
Remember, Zach confronts her and she breaks down "I'm so excited... I'm so excited.... I'm so... scared." (if you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about - the incredibly overdramatic clip can be found on youtube).
Now, before you jump to any conclusions, I am not, and have never been, addicted to caffeine pills.
(Special note to my mother: Mom, don't worry! I do still have the slight addiction to diet coke, of which I know you strongly disapprove, but I am not at all addicted to caffeine pills)
I do, however, keep a very small bottle on hand for those times of extreme sleepiness.
They are only used on the really rare occasion that the normal tactics (a quick walk to the front of the office and back, a piece of candy, an email to a friend, an unpleasant gulp of the really concentrated sludgy afternoon coffee) don't work.
Even then, I only take 1/2 a pill.
But, see, there was that day (the day before the day of the pounding headache, as a matter of fact), when I was experiencing the before mentioned "extreme sleepiness".
This wasn't just the "blah, I'm sleepy and can't concentrate" sort of sleepy. No, this was serious.
This was a sleepy I have only felt once before...
Picture it:
Winter 1999.
An 8 am class at St. Olaf College.
The Minnesota snow falling gently outside the window. A cozy classroom of only 20 students.
A psychology lecture (a required course - not my major and not something I was terribly interested in).
Faith in an epic (and embarrassingly obvious) battle (in the front row, directly in front of the professor) to keep her eyes from shutting.
It was one of the most painful hours I have ever experienced - much more painful than any of the marathons I've run.
So yes, this was serious.
I took a 1/2 pill
and then...
against my better judgement I took the other 1/2
and then...
I don't really remember the rest of the afternoon.
BUT I do know that I got a whole, whole lot done (whether it was done well, I cannot confirm).
And the productivity didn't stop there. Afterwards, I drove straight to Washington Lee High School to swim!!!
(normally going to the pool to swim laps would not warrant three exclamation points, but I had a whole lot of artificial energy and was really excited)
My plan was to swim 4 sets of 20 laps - normally, about an hour.
2 hours of laps later I had thought through a lot:
I had decided to take some Arlington Adult Education classes (the abc's of investing, beginning guitar, basic car repair).
I had made a firm commitment to get back into scrapbooking (and mentally sorted through some pictures for ideas for pages).
I had planned a trip through Europe.
I had drafted a blog (which, incidentally, you will never see because when I sat down to actually write it, it made absolutely no sense).
I thought of a great way to re-arrange a few pieces of furniture in the apartment.
I resolved to take golf lessons in preparation for retirement in 30 years.
I decided that I would read a book a week and decided on the first 4 (doubtful, seeing as how I currently average a book every 3-6 months).
I was also still only on my first set of 20 laps (not even halfway through my workout).
With all of the caffeine-induced planning, I kept losing track of what lap I was on.
I was enjoying the overall experience so much that every time I lost track, I just started back at lap one.
It seemed perfectly logical at the time.
Who knows how many laps I actually wound up swimming that night, but it was one heck of a workout.
When I eventually got home, I was so tired that I actually made it to bed by the 10:00 deadline.
Unfortunately, physically tired and mentally tired are two very different things and the concentration of caffeine still buzzing around in my system prevented any actual real sleep.
So, I woke up the next morning a gazillion times more tired than I had been the day before, with a headache, with a blog idea that made no sense, and with several new personal goals that I might be able to reach....eventually...as long as I start going to bed at 10:00 and stop taking caffeine pills (even in emergencies).
Incidentally, I did add one additional goal to the list - re-watch all 5 seasons of "Saved By the Bell".
There could very well be other life lessons to re-learn.
(see the blog from Nov 2009 for another lesson learned - or not learned - from television shows of the '80s/'90s)
That was an excellent episode of Saved by the Bell. And a good lesson - one I could use reminding of from time to time myself!
ReplyDelete