As I sat in the little office at the gym up the hill from my apartment building, waiting for the credit card machine to print out my receipt for signature, I stared at the gym membership packet with its list of fees thinking to myself, “Dammit Faith, why can’t you just be assertive?”
It’s a question that comes up a lot in conversations I have with myself.
Sitting on the phone with a telemarketer who is trying to sell me any number of things I don’t need or want.
“Faith, be assertive! – tell him that you appreciate the call but aren’t interested and immediately hang up the phone!”
…But no, I listen to the entire speech, thank him for calling, and tell him that it would be fine to add me to the mailing list.
Watching somebody cut in one of the three lines at Cosi (salad line, sandwich line, pay line)
“Faith, be assertive! – just tap them on the shoulder and explain that the end of the line is actually waaaay back there.”
…But no, I just stare at the back of their head with an extremely mean look on my face (a look they cannot see because they have successfully cut in line and are now IN FRONT of me).
Or, most recently, at the “Fitness First” up the hill from my apartment where I found myself sitting in an office with an extremely cheerful salesperson after my free (although, in the end, not so free) complementary workout session.
“Faith, just be assertive! – tell her, “thank you, but I think I’ll go back and continue use the fitness center in my apartment building (the fitness center that I technically pay for every month when I pay my rent)”
…But no, I sign the paperwork, hand over my credit card, and tell myself that access to kettle bells and step classes will be a really nice addition to the running, swimming and yoga that I already do (none of which require a start-up fee).
Assertive people are the go-getters of the world, speaking their mind, challenging rules, guarding their rights….and also, incidentally, generally getting exactly what they want.
Assertiveness is a characteristic that I see and admire in the most dynamic and successful people I know.
Assertiveness is also a characteristic that I, Faith Korbel (dedicated introvert, pacifist, and, ok I admit, wimp) have never developed.
I like peace and I like harmony, I want everyone to believe that I’m happy and that they are happy and that we are all good (even if we aren’t).
I don’t want to question people or push people or make people mad.
Besides, assertiveness can very easily lead to conflict and conflict is scary….and, as has been established, I’m a wimp.
So, after 32 years of being me, of this one thing I can be sure:
When presented with an opportunity to be assertive, you will generally find me running in the opposite direction (probably on the Fitness First treadmill that I am now contractually obligated to use for the next 12 months).
That said, you can imagine my surprise when I very recently, quite out of nowhere and without even really trying, was *assertive*
What was it, you ask, that brought out this new side in Faith? What forced her to break away from the need to be pleasing and to stand up to the system?
Was it a cause she believed in? (Ummmm….not exactly).
Was it in defense of a person she cares about? (Well, no).
Was she standing up to one of the many injustices in the world? (I really wish I could say yes but….no, no it wasn’t).
It was customer service at amazon.com.
It started with 17 Wilson Jones 21 Pocket Portfolios required for a project at work (and needed quickly).
Being a smart and saavy assistant, I found the perfect portfolios on amazon, added 17 to my shopping cart, chose next day delivery, and confidently clicked “complete order” – done and done.
Except, not done.
Arriving in several installments over the course of the next 2 days, were 7 boxes of portfolios that looked nothing like the picture on amazon.
Some were black, some were blue, all of them had the wrong handle and the dividers had all kinds of crazy labels (none of which applied to our project). Sigh.
Annoying yes, but easy enough to fix, right? I went back to the Amazon website and completed the entire return online, printing out return statement, repackaging the boxes, and setting everything out for UPS to pick up – done and done.
Except, not done.
When our friendly UPS delivery guy came the next day he explained that Amazon had not alerted him of the pickup or sent him a return label.
The same thing happened the next day, and the next….7 boxes sitting there.
On the fourth day, Mr. UPS had a label – done and done.
Except, not done.
He just had one label….for one box…which left 6 sitting there.
Ok, well maybe I needed to fill out individual returns online for each box, which I did – done and done.
Except, not done.
Again, Mr. UPS had just one label…for one box…5 boxes left.
On the sixth day – he had another label...for one box…4 boxes left.
I had no problem with the boxes leaving slowly – I just wanted to them to leave – so I waited patiently.
Except the labels stopped coming, and 4 boxes still remained.
Before Christmas – they were there.
After Christmas – they were still there.
The boxes greeted me every morning as I walked through the door of the office “Hello, Faith, we are still here…yep, nobody has picked us up yet…just sitting here…waiting to go back.”
Ok, so maybe it was time to call.
Finding a telephone number on the amazon website is not easy, but I’m stronger in the persistence department than in the assertive department.
Call #1 was helpful.
The gentleman made it clear that I had royally screwed up the online return system (and, according to their records, had returned one very large box of portfolios 3 times) and promised that UPS would pick up all remaining boxes the next day. I apologized for messing up their system, admitted it was completely my fault, and thanked him for his help (I even gave him all 10s on the survey that arrived via email 3 minutes after our conversation) – done and done.
Except, not done.
Rather than go into many more details, let’s just say that the next 5 days was blur of boxes coming, boxes going, repackaging boxes in new combinations, confused looks from the UPS guy, confusing conversations with a number of amazon representatives …and, finally, an official offer from amazon: Keep the remaining portfolios (use them, donate them, throw them out – whatever you want to do) free of charge. We will return all of your money, just, please, please, please stop calling us!
Phew! It was over. I had survived yet another life experience without having to be assertive. Another example of how being nice pays off in the end, right? – done and done.
Except not done.
About a week after the ordeal, I decided to check my credit card bill online, just to make sure everything was good to go.
As I pulled up my account I was perplexed to find 17 separate deductions of $13.99.
They had clearly re-charged me for the 17 portfolios!
After all of that frustration they are now not reimbursing me but re-charging me?
This is what I get for all of my patience?
This is what I get for nicely explaining the situation 10 gazillion times to 10 gazillion different customer service representatives and completing 10 gazillion customer service surveys (always giving all 10s).
This is what being nice gets you?
It was time to be assertive.
It was time to demand an explanation.
It was time to stop avoiding conflict and get back what was mine!
With a newfound, and unexpected, sense of determination/customer superiority and a copy of my credit card statement in my hand, I picked up the phone and dialed the customer service number I had come to know so well.
I told the customer service agent (with my seldom-used authoritative voice) that there was clearly some sort of mistake.
I explained that the entire return process had been a nightmare and that now they (her included) were taking my money!
The customer service agent calmly promised to help me but then, reviewing my order information, insisted that they had definitely not charged more money but had without question returned money to my account.
Ok, now I was going to go for it – now the assertive Faith was going to take over the conversation.
I mentally started to charge myself up:
This was ridiculous!
Amazon.com was calling me a liar!
They were challenging my integrity!
I was 100% in the right in this situation – a victim in the truest sense.
Was I not looking at my credit card statement?
Were there not 17 deductions of……..
And at that moment, as I was about to launch into a customer-is-always-right, holier than thou, completely assertive, argument with the sole representative of the evil company that was definitely trying to bring me down, I suddenly realized that I was 100% wrong.
You see, at that moment, something became clear to me that would have been completely clear to pretty much anybody else on the planet:
I was looking at a credit card statement - not a checking account statement.
Deductions from a credit card statement mean that you are being reimbursed, not that money is being taken out of an account. Yep, the fact that the balance is getting smaller is a GOOD thing.
I thanked her for her help, hung up the phone and waited for the inevitable customer service survey to arrive in my inbox (yes, I gave her all 10s).
Lesson of the day:
Assertiveness is a characteristic that I, Faith Korbel, have never developed.
Apparently common sense is a characteristic that doesn’t come easily to me either.
Perhaps, it would be best to not pursue the first until I have mastered the second.
Thanks for listening - if you need me to be assertive, I’ll be up the hill at my new gym, running as far away as the treadmill will take me.
It’s a question that comes up a lot in conversations I have with myself.
Sitting on the phone with a telemarketer who is trying to sell me any number of things I don’t need or want.
“Faith, be assertive! – tell him that you appreciate the call but aren’t interested and immediately hang up the phone!”
…But no, I listen to the entire speech, thank him for calling, and tell him that it would be fine to add me to the mailing list.
Watching somebody cut in one of the three lines at Cosi (salad line, sandwich line, pay line)
“Faith, be assertive! – just tap them on the shoulder and explain that the end of the line is actually waaaay back there.”
…But no, I just stare at the back of their head with an extremely mean look on my face (a look they cannot see because they have successfully cut in line and are now IN FRONT of me).
Or, most recently, at the “Fitness First” up the hill from my apartment where I found myself sitting in an office with an extremely cheerful salesperson after my free (although, in the end, not so free) complementary workout session.
“Faith, just be assertive! – tell her, “thank you, but I think I’ll go back and continue use the fitness center in my apartment building (the fitness center that I technically pay for every month when I pay my rent)”
…But no, I sign the paperwork, hand over my credit card, and tell myself that access to kettle bells and step classes will be a really nice addition to the running, swimming and yoga that I already do (none of which require a start-up fee).
Assertive people are the go-getters of the world, speaking their mind, challenging rules, guarding their rights….and also, incidentally, generally getting exactly what they want.
Assertiveness is a characteristic that I see and admire in the most dynamic and successful people I know.
Assertiveness is also a characteristic that I, Faith Korbel (dedicated introvert, pacifist, and, ok I admit, wimp) have never developed.
I like peace and I like harmony, I want everyone to believe that I’m happy and that they are happy and that we are all good (even if we aren’t).
I don’t want to question people or push people or make people mad.
Besides, assertiveness can very easily lead to conflict and conflict is scary….and, as has been established, I’m a wimp.
So, after 32 years of being me, of this one thing I can be sure:
When presented with an opportunity to be assertive, you will generally find me running in the opposite direction (probably on the Fitness First treadmill that I am now contractually obligated to use for the next 12 months).
That said, you can imagine my surprise when I very recently, quite out of nowhere and without even really trying, was *assertive*
What was it, you ask, that brought out this new side in Faith? What forced her to break away from the need to be pleasing and to stand up to the system?
Was it a cause she believed in? (Ummmm….not exactly).
Was it in defense of a person she cares about? (Well, no).
Was she standing up to one of the many injustices in the world? (I really wish I could say yes but….no, no it wasn’t).
It was customer service at amazon.com.
It started with 17 Wilson Jones 21 Pocket Portfolios required for a project at work (and needed quickly).
Being a smart and saavy assistant, I found the perfect portfolios on amazon, added 17 to my shopping cart, chose next day delivery, and confidently clicked “complete order” – done and done.
Except, not done.
Arriving in several installments over the course of the next 2 days, were 7 boxes of portfolios that looked nothing like the picture on amazon.
Some were black, some were blue, all of them had the wrong handle and the dividers had all kinds of crazy labels (none of which applied to our project). Sigh.
Annoying yes, but easy enough to fix, right? I went back to the Amazon website and completed the entire return online, printing out return statement, repackaging the boxes, and setting everything out for UPS to pick up – done and done.
Except, not done.
When our friendly UPS delivery guy came the next day he explained that Amazon had not alerted him of the pickup or sent him a return label.
The same thing happened the next day, and the next….7 boxes sitting there.
On the fourth day, Mr. UPS had a label – done and done.
Except, not done.
He just had one label….for one box…which left 6 sitting there.
Ok, well maybe I needed to fill out individual returns online for each box, which I did – done and done.
Except, not done.
Again, Mr. UPS had just one label…for one box…5 boxes left.
On the sixth day – he had another label...for one box…4 boxes left.
I had no problem with the boxes leaving slowly – I just wanted to them to leave – so I waited patiently.
Except the labels stopped coming, and 4 boxes still remained.
Before Christmas – they were there.
After Christmas – they were still there.
The boxes greeted me every morning as I walked through the door of the office “Hello, Faith, we are still here…yep, nobody has picked us up yet…just sitting here…waiting to go back.”
Ok, so maybe it was time to call.
Finding a telephone number on the amazon website is not easy, but I’m stronger in the persistence department than in the assertive department.
Call #1 was helpful.
The gentleman made it clear that I had royally screwed up the online return system (and, according to their records, had returned one very large box of portfolios 3 times) and promised that UPS would pick up all remaining boxes the next day. I apologized for messing up their system, admitted it was completely my fault, and thanked him for his help (I even gave him all 10s on the survey that arrived via email 3 minutes after our conversation) – done and done.
Except, not done.
Rather than go into many more details, let’s just say that the next 5 days was blur of boxes coming, boxes going, repackaging boxes in new combinations, confused looks from the UPS guy, confusing conversations with a number of amazon representatives …and, finally, an official offer from amazon: Keep the remaining portfolios (use them, donate them, throw them out – whatever you want to do) free of charge. We will return all of your money, just, please, please, please stop calling us!
Phew! It was over. I had survived yet another life experience without having to be assertive. Another example of how being nice pays off in the end, right? – done and done.
Except not done.
About a week after the ordeal, I decided to check my credit card bill online, just to make sure everything was good to go.
As I pulled up my account I was perplexed to find 17 separate deductions of $13.99.
They had clearly re-charged me for the 17 portfolios!
After all of that frustration they are now not reimbursing me but re-charging me?
This is what I get for all of my patience?
This is what I get for nicely explaining the situation 10 gazillion times to 10 gazillion different customer service representatives and completing 10 gazillion customer service surveys (always giving all 10s).
This is what being nice gets you?
It was time to be assertive.
It was time to demand an explanation.
It was time to stop avoiding conflict and get back what was mine!
With a newfound, and unexpected, sense of determination/customer superiority and a copy of my credit card statement in my hand, I picked up the phone and dialed the customer service number I had come to know so well.
I told the customer service agent (with my seldom-used authoritative voice) that there was clearly some sort of mistake.
I explained that the entire return process had been a nightmare and that now they (her included) were taking my money!
The customer service agent calmly promised to help me but then, reviewing my order information, insisted that they had definitely not charged more money but had without question returned money to my account.
Ok, now I was going to go for it – now the assertive Faith was going to take over the conversation.
I mentally started to charge myself up:
This was ridiculous!
Amazon.com was calling me a liar!
They were challenging my integrity!
I was 100% in the right in this situation – a victim in the truest sense.
Was I not looking at my credit card statement?
Were there not 17 deductions of……..
And at that moment, as I was about to launch into a customer-is-always-right, holier than thou, completely assertive, argument with the sole representative of the evil company that was definitely trying to bring me down, I suddenly realized that I was 100% wrong.
You see, at that moment, something became clear to me that would have been completely clear to pretty much anybody else on the planet:
I was looking at a credit card statement - not a checking account statement.
Deductions from a credit card statement mean that you are being reimbursed, not that money is being taken out of an account. Yep, the fact that the balance is getting smaller is a GOOD thing.
I thanked her for her help, hung up the phone and waited for the inevitable customer service survey to arrive in my inbox (yes, I gave her all 10s).
Lesson of the day:
Assertiveness is a characteristic that I, Faith Korbel, have never developed.
Apparently common sense is a characteristic that doesn’t come easily to me either.
Perhaps, it would be best to not pursue the first until I have mastered the second.
Thanks for listening - if you need me to be assertive, I’ll be up the hill at my new gym, running as far away as the treadmill will take me.
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