Most of us are taught, from a young age, that telling a lie (even a small lie) often leads to larger problems.
My parents taught me well and anything I didn’t learn at home or in my father’s Sunday morning sermons was re-enforced by “The Facts of Life”, “Family Ties”, “The Cosby Show” and, of course, “Saved By the Bell”…Zach lied a lot and it never worked out well for him.
Somewhere along the line, though, it seems I turned my back on the good advice of my parents, Mrs. Garrett and Mr. Belding and ventured down the slippery slope of liar-dom.
Before you judge, let me clarify – we are not talking about earth-shattering lies (I don’t have a secret identity, a crime-ridden past, or even an overdue parking ticket).
The lies I find myself telling are only to people who I don’t know… in grocery stores and restaurants…who are trying to force me/guilt me into registering for some variety of a club/bonus card.
How is it that something designed to make my life easier, has driven me to ignore the wisdom of my own parents, Bill Cosby and the Keatons? Let’s just call it “card overload”.
I have a card for the drug store, a card for the ice cream store, a card for the video store, a card for the place I buy my running shoes, a card for the coffee shop, cards for 5 gazillion grocery stores, 2 pharmacies, a card for the book store, a card for the pet store, cards for at least 3 clothing stores and (the real kicker) two of my doctors’ offices (yes, doctors’ offices!) have even recently initiated a card system. My wallet is bulging, I’m getting more junk mail than ever before and I’m tired…so, so tired…of cards. I’m tired of having them, of registering them (even online) and of using them (and no, Giant Foods marketing team, the size of the card does not make a difference – the fact that you make a tiny card that fits on a key chain, while an improvement, is not the answer I’m searching for).
***Note: This little rant is in no way a critique of the following types of cards, which I have deemed as necessary: credit cards, debit cards, driver’s licenses, social security cards, metro cards, health insurance cards and any form of Target cards (right Carly? ). It should also not, in any way, be considered a critique of gift cards, which are lovely and which I am more than willing to carry around in a bulging wallet.
By the time Cosi started pushing their Cosi Cards I buckled down for a fight. I’m a value-oriented kinda girl and believe-you-me I could easily see how it would make complete money-saving sense to obtain and utilize the card (who am I to say no to the occasional free salad?), but I also knew myself and was well aware that just one more card could hit and exceed my card-carrying tolerance. One more card was going to push me completely over the edge.
Now we get to the lies:
I go to Cosi a lot. About 4 blocks from where I work/live and a favorite restaurant of both the people I work for and a favorite of the person I live with, it’s a nice chance to get out of the office or the apartment and see the friendly (albeit slightly flustered and often overwhelmed) faces of my friends behind the Cosi counter. It’s a crowded and chaotic place to be (especially around 12:15) but being a regular who generally orders the same thing, they know me well and my Shanghai Salad is practically made by the time I even say “Shanghai”.
The entire process is comfortable, familiar, and nice…until I get to the register. It’s there, at that counter, where I come face to face almost every visit with a very nice girl who asks me about my Cosi Card…and it’s there, my friends, where they lying begins.
The first 100 (that would be a rough estimate) times I was faced with the Cosi Card discussion, it went something like this:
Cosi Lady: Hello ma’am, what do you have today? (normal question)
Faith: A Shanghai Salad. (same old answer)
Cosi Lady: What kind of bread would you like? (normal question)
Faith: Wheat please. (same old answer)
Cosi Lady: Do you have your Cosi Card today?
Faith: No, not today. (“today” – implying that I do indeed have one but I just don’t have it with me today – this tactic often works when dodging the card situation)
Cosi Lady: Oh that’s too bad, your total is ____.
End of conversation – pay – go back to the office without a card.
Lie Count: 1
1) I did not have a Cosi card. (technically, this is more of an implied lie as I never actually stated that I had a card, but merely made it sound that way)
Life was good – we seemed to have an understanding.
Then, one day (completely out of nowhere) she pushed it a little bit further with…..
Cosi Lady: Do you have your Cosi Card today?
Faith: No, not today.
Cosi Lady: Ma’am, do you have a Cosi Card?
(Wait. What? Crap!)
Faith: Ummm……I,well, I think I took the form home with me once…didn’t fill it out…lost it….blah, blah, blah.
Cosi Lady: Would you like to register for a Cosi Card? You will get every 10th sandwich or salad free. (or something like that)
Faith: Oh gosh I would really like to but I can’t today because I’m running a little late.
Cosi Lady: Oh, ok, well maybe next time. Your total is ____.
End of conversation – pay – go back to the office without a card.
Lie count: 1
1) I wasn’t running late. (Again, not exactly a lie as I am often in a hurry to get back to the office. In too much of a hurry to fill out a registration form? Well, that’s debatable.)
This excuse lasted for another 25 or so visits until….
Cosi Lady: Oh good news, now you can take the card with you and register online! (Crap!)
Faith: Wow, that’s great. I’ll definitely do that.
Cosi Lady: Ok, here you go, just go to cosi.com to register - your total is ____.
End of conversation – pay – go back to office…this time with an unregistered card.
Lie count: 1
1) I had no intention of registering the card that had just been forced upon me. In fact, upon arrival back at the office, the card was immediately placed into my desk drawer never to be seen again.
(Not a lie- I honestly have not seen it since… even a month or so after when I actually looked for it. It’s officially been lost to the god’s of office desk drawers).
Well, she now knew that I was both in possession of a card and had the ability to register it. I quickly had to alter my story…
Cosi Lady: Do you have your Cosi Card today?
Faith: Oh no! I must have forgotten it! (doing my best to look truly upset as I rummage through my wallet and bag)
Cosi Lady: That’s too bad – well, remember to bring it next time so you can start collecting free sandwiches and salads.
Faith: Oh I definitely will. I can’t believe I keep forgetting it!
Cosi Lady: Ok, your total is ____.
End of conversation – pay – go back to office…without using card.
Lie count: 2 1/2
1) I did not forget the card. It was lost in a desk drawer.
2) I most likely would not have it the next time.
2 ½ ) I’m not nearly as absent-minded as I portrayed myself to be. (the ½ is to signify that this lie is slightly opinion-based)
The “I’m kind of flighty and keep forgetting my silly card” strategy worked for a while but then, again, the game changed…
Cosi Lady: Did you register your card online ma’am?
Faith: Yes. (Nope – lost in the desk drawer)
Cosi Lady: You know, I can actually use your telephone number to look up your card information and credit your purchases for today.
(Crap!)
Faith: Wow….that’s great. 703-340-2971 (I have no idea whose number this is)
Cosi Lady: Nothing seems to be coming up for that number. (shocking)
Faith: That’s so weird, I think that’s the number I used.
Cosi Lady: Hmmmm, well, maybe you should just go online and check when you get back. (with a look of judgement)
Faith: Gosh, yes I definitely will.
(with a look of guilt)
Busted.
Lie count: 4
1) I didn’t register the card online .
2) I completely made up a telephone number. I probably wouldn’t have even needed to but the question kind of caught me by surprise and, being trained not to give out my number, I just started spitting out random digits. I guess there was an outside possibility that whoever actually had the phone number I gave her did have a Cosi card and would have gotten credit for the purchase of my salad – that would have been a pleasantly positive outcome.
3) It wasn’t weird that my information didn’t coming up because a) I never registered and b) It was not my telephone number.
4) I wasn’t going to check online when I got back - that would be pointless since I was positive that I hadn’t registered the card….a card that had been lost in a desk drawer for 6 months.
And that, boys and girls, is how even the smallest of lies can create an ever growing web nearly impossible to untangle. In a desperate attempt to redeem my Cosi reputation, I went to a DIFFERENT Cosi location (where they don’t know me) and picked up a card, which I registered immediately (yes, using my actual telephone number) and now carry faithfully, in my overflowing wallet, with my 300 other cards. I’m expecting the rush of junk mail from various soup and sandwich/semi-fast food restaurants any day now but that is merely my penance – the price I have to pay in order to walk in the door and order my salad with dignity.
It’s not totally my fault – where was the very special episode of “The Facts of Life” in which Tootie or Natalie lied to get out of signing up for a bonus card?
My parents taught me well and anything I didn’t learn at home or in my father’s Sunday morning sermons was re-enforced by “The Facts of Life”, “Family Ties”, “The Cosby Show” and, of course, “Saved By the Bell”…Zach lied a lot and it never worked out well for him.
Somewhere along the line, though, it seems I turned my back on the good advice of my parents, Mrs. Garrett and Mr. Belding and ventured down the slippery slope of liar-dom.
Before you judge, let me clarify – we are not talking about earth-shattering lies (I don’t have a secret identity, a crime-ridden past, or even an overdue parking ticket).
The lies I find myself telling are only to people who I don’t know… in grocery stores and restaurants…who are trying to force me/guilt me into registering for some variety of a club/bonus card.
How is it that something designed to make my life easier, has driven me to ignore the wisdom of my own parents, Bill Cosby and the Keatons? Let’s just call it “card overload”.
I have a card for the drug store, a card for the ice cream store, a card for the video store, a card for the place I buy my running shoes, a card for the coffee shop, cards for 5 gazillion grocery stores, 2 pharmacies, a card for the book store, a card for the pet store, cards for at least 3 clothing stores and (the real kicker) two of my doctors’ offices (yes, doctors’ offices!) have even recently initiated a card system. My wallet is bulging, I’m getting more junk mail than ever before and I’m tired…so, so tired…of cards. I’m tired of having them, of registering them (even online) and of using them (and no, Giant Foods marketing team, the size of the card does not make a difference – the fact that you make a tiny card that fits on a key chain, while an improvement, is not the answer I’m searching for).
***Note: This little rant is in no way a critique of the following types of cards, which I have deemed as necessary: credit cards, debit cards, driver’s licenses, social security cards, metro cards, health insurance cards and any form of Target cards (right Carly? ). It should also not, in any way, be considered a critique of gift cards, which are lovely and which I am more than willing to carry around in a bulging wallet.
By the time Cosi started pushing their Cosi Cards I buckled down for a fight. I’m a value-oriented kinda girl and believe-you-me I could easily see how it would make complete money-saving sense to obtain and utilize the card (who am I to say no to the occasional free salad?), but I also knew myself and was well aware that just one more card could hit and exceed my card-carrying tolerance. One more card was going to push me completely over the edge.
Now we get to the lies:
I go to Cosi a lot. About 4 blocks from where I work/live and a favorite restaurant of both the people I work for and a favorite of the person I live with, it’s a nice chance to get out of the office or the apartment and see the friendly (albeit slightly flustered and often overwhelmed) faces of my friends behind the Cosi counter. It’s a crowded and chaotic place to be (especially around 12:15) but being a regular who generally orders the same thing, they know me well and my Shanghai Salad is practically made by the time I even say “Shanghai”.
The entire process is comfortable, familiar, and nice…until I get to the register. It’s there, at that counter, where I come face to face almost every visit with a very nice girl who asks me about my Cosi Card…and it’s there, my friends, where they lying begins.
The first 100 (that would be a rough estimate) times I was faced with the Cosi Card discussion, it went something like this:
Cosi Lady: Hello ma’am, what do you have today? (normal question)
Faith: A Shanghai Salad. (same old answer)
Cosi Lady: What kind of bread would you like? (normal question)
Faith: Wheat please. (same old answer)
Cosi Lady: Do you have your Cosi Card today?
Faith: No, not today. (“today” – implying that I do indeed have one but I just don’t have it with me today – this tactic often works when dodging the card situation)
Cosi Lady: Oh that’s too bad, your total is ____.
End of conversation – pay – go back to the office without a card.
Lie Count: 1
1) I did not have a Cosi card. (technically, this is more of an implied lie as I never actually stated that I had a card, but merely made it sound that way)
Life was good – we seemed to have an understanding.
Then, one day (completely out of nowhere) she pushed it a little bit further with…..
Cosi Lady: Do you have your Cosi Card today?
Faith: No, not today.
Cosi Lady: Ma’am, do you have a Cosi Card?
(Wait. What? Crap!)
Faith: Ummm……I,well, I think I took the form home with me once…didn’t fill it out…lost it….blah, blah, blah.
Cosi Lady: Would you like to register for a Cosi Card? You will get every 10th sandwich or salad free. (or something like that)
Faith: Oh gosh I would really like to but I can’t today because I’m running a little late.
Cosi Lady: Oh, ok, well maybe next time. Your total is ____.
End of conversation – pay – go back to the office without a card.
Lie count: 1
1) I wasn’t running late. (Again, not exactly a lie as I am often in a hurry to get back to the office. In too much of a hurry to fill out a registration form? Well, that’s debatable.)
This excuse lasted for another 25 or so visits until….
Cosi Lady: Oh good news, now you can take the card with you and register online! (Crap!)
Faith: Wow, that’s great. I’ll definitely do that.
Cosi Lady: Ok, here you go, just go to cosi.com to register - your total is ____.
End of conversation – pay – go back to office…this time with an unregistered card.
Lie count: 1
1) I had no intention of registering the card that had just been forced upon me. In fact, upon arrival back at the office, the card was immediately placed into my desk drawer never to be seen again.
(Not a lie- I honestly have not seen it since… even a month or so after when I actually looked for it. It’s officially been lost to the god’s of office desk drawers).
Well, she now knew that I was both in possession of a card and had the ability to register it. I quickly had to alter my story…
Cosi Lady: Do you have your Cosi Card today?
Faith: Oh no! I must have forgotten it! (doing my best to look truly upset as I rummage through my wallet and bag)
Cosi Lady: That’s too bad – well, remember to bring it next time so you can start collecting free sandwiches and salads.
Faith: Oh I definitely will. I can’t believe I keep forgetting it!
Cosi Lady: Ok, your total is ____.
End of conversation – pay – go back to office…without using card.
Lie count: 2 1/2
1) I did not forget the card. It was lost in a desk drawer.
2) I most likely would not have it the next time.
2 ½ ) I’m not nearly as absent-minded as I portrayed myself to be. (the ½ is to signify that this lie is slightly opinion-based)
The “I’m kind of flighty and keep forgetting my silly card” strategy worked for a while but then, again, the game changed…
Cosi Lady: Did you register your card online ma’am?
Faith: Yes. (Nope – lost in the desk drawer)
Cosi Lady: You know, I can actually use your telephone number to look up your card information and credit your purchases for today.
(Crap!)
Faith: Wow….that’s great. 703-340-2971 (I have no idea whose number this is)
Cosi Lady: Nothing seems to be coming up for that number. (shocking)
Faith: That’s so weird, I think that’s the number I used.
Cosi Lady: Hmmmm, well, maybe you should just go online and check when you get back. (with a look of judgement)
Faith: Gosh, yes I definitely will.
(with a look of guilt)
Busted.
Lie count: 4
1) I didn’t register the card online .
2) I completely made up a telephone number. I probably wouldn’t have even needed to but the question kind of caught me by surprise and, being trained not to give out my number, I just started spitting out random digits. I guess there was an outside possibility that whoever actually had the phone number I gave her did have a Cosi card and would have gotten credit for the purchase of my salad – that would have been a pleasantly positive outcome.
3) It wasn’t weird that my information didn’t coming up because a) I never registered and b) It was not my telephone number.
4) I wasn’t going to check online when I got back - that would be pointless since I was positive that I hadn’t registered the card….a card that had been lost in a desk drawer for 6 months.
And that, boys and girls, is how even the smallest of lies can create an ever growing web nearly impossible to untangle. In a desperate attempt to redeem my Cosi reputation, I went to a DIFFERENT Cosi location (where they don’t know me) and picked up a card, which I registered immediately (yes, using my actual telephone number) and now carry faithfully, in my overflowing wallet, with my 300 other cards. I’m expecting the rush of junk mail from various soup and sandwich/semi-fast food restaurants any day now but that is merely my penance – the price I have to pay in order to walk in the door and order my salad with dignity.
It’s not totally my fault – where was the very special episode of “The Facts of Life” in which Tootie or Natalie lied to get out of signing up for a bonus card?
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Wow, I am amazed at their persistence with you! If I were an employee and saw you in my Cosi all the time, and continually heard all your LIES!!!, I think I would probably stop asking and just be like, "Oh here comes the chick with all the excuses!" But then, my manager would probably breathe down my back and be all annoying, so I probably would have to ask, but I'd do it very half-heartedly and answer my own questions to you with silly excuses. :)
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