The Naming of Cats (4/8/09)

“The naming of cats is a difficult matter, It isn't just one of your holiday games”

If you recognize this quote, we may have had similar childhoods – did you spend your pre/early-elementary school afternoons dancing around your living room to the soundtrack (on LP of course) of the musical “Cats” too?

I don’t know if it was because I was so young and impressionable or because I listened to/sang along with that particular record so often (almost as often as “Annie” … poor, poor Mom and Dad were forced to listen to “Tomorrow” and “A Hard Knock Life” more than any adult should ever, ever, ever have to) but that particular gem from musical theater lyrical history stuck in my mind well beyond anything sung by a little curly haired girl in a red dress, a creepy guy wearing a mask and hanging out underneath an opera house, or even, and I know this sounds crazy, but even more than anything from Rent (although I do still have that whole show memorized…I mean, what progressive 90’s high schooler didn’t?).

While Andrew Lloyd Webber (with the lyrical help of TS Elliott) did not successfully convince me that cats can sing and dance, he did teach me to believe with everything in me that they not only know the name you give them but know whether or not it is a cool name. Said name, and it’s coolness factor, then molds the cat’s entire impression of your competence as an owner (an owner, in cat terms, being merely the person who does whatever necessary to make them happy).
In other words, give your cat a dumb name and he/she will hold it against you FOREVER.

Now, many decisions ( ok, MOST decisions) are painfully difficult for me:

-Which combination of bagel/cream cheese this morning? – plain and plain, plain and strawberry, cinnamon raisin with maple walnut (the clear winner…but can lead sweetness overload)
-Whose name should I get on the back of my Caps jersey? – this, by the way, is a question that has been debated over several hockey seasons as my favorite players either get traded or have names like Alexander Semin (yeah, you may have to think like a junior high boy for just a second to understand why I can’t get "Semin" written on the back of a jersey)
-What do I want to do when I grow up (a decision that probably won’t be made until retirement)
…and Dave and I together are even worse:
-What’s for dinner/ Where are we going for dinner? (one of the most important and difficult questions in our relationship)
The naming of our cat (now with us almost two weeks), however, has been an especially difficult decision as it affects not just me and not just Dave but the cat herself, a very unique little individual who, while she cannot say it in words that either of us can understand, clearly has an opinion (based mainly on the tone of her meow, whether her tail is waving or twitching, and the look on her face).

The evolution of our cat’s name started before we even had her, when cat ownership was and “if” and not a “when”:
*Chairman Meow – The name of one of Dave’s friend’s cats (probably one of the best cat names I’ve ever heard) which set the bar high for coming up with something funny/clever/sophisticated.
*Cornbread – Dave’s original pick for our hypothetical cat. It’s a character from a movie (the title for which he couldn't remember) who gets shot and dies. Hmmmm...
*Salmonella – My original pick for our hypothetical cat. It’s the bacteria that causes foodborne illness, I know this, but take away the context of peanut contamination, diarrhea, fever and possible death and the word itself sounds very cool and original…ok, ok, settle down, it was rejected…her name isn’t Salmonella.

Of course, the cat who finally came along, being 6 years old, already had at least one name that we knew of:
*Precious – The name they gave her at the rescue organization (cheesy, cheesy, cheesy…the look in her eyes said it all - “I can deal with being given up….but this name! I’m begging you - give me back my dignity.”).

After just a few days, we started to wonder if we may have adopted a cat who is in training for some sort of top secret government agency – always watching, always following, always sneaking up on people while they are doing yoga:
*Mata Hari – A famous female spy from the early 1900s. She would be Mata for short – not bad, not bad, but not quite right.
*One of the various female characters from the James Bond movies – it could have worked, but their names are all a little too, shall we say, driven by double-entendres (she is, after all, fixed).
*Sydney or Bristow – “Alias” reference…but we didn't have her when Alias was popular (what if she wasn't a fan?)

After the first full week, we knew something else about her:
*Stinky – She has a gas problem…not sure if it’s the change in setting, or the food she was fed in her foster home, or the food we are feeding her now, or (lord help us) a permanent problem, but this name is both accurate and easy to say (just not very nice).
*Chicago, the windy kitty – quite funny but would require a full explanation every time, essentially giving a name that is 4 words long (and, like Stinky, not very nice)

Gender issues:
*Boggle – the only game at which I have a shot at beating Dave. I love it as a cat name but Dave thought it sounded like a boy name…and would remind people of Wade Boggs…therefore leading them to believe we are Red Sox fans…which would apparently be a bad thing.

Friends came up with some fun suggestions:
Ponzi, Fluffy and Sprinkles to name a few, but none of them seemed exactly right.

Another suggestion was to look on different pet-finding websites to get some name ideas (a really good option if you are ever struggling with a pet name…also kind of entertaining – the names people come up with!). Here are some examples:
Frisby*, Sassy, Riley, Tallulah*, Magic, Motley, Georgia, Tangy, Gizmo, Ragu*, Sundrop, Smudge, Flicker, Reese’s, Zoe, Haiku*, Spike, Tillie, Callie, Duchess, Pudge, Ariel, Buttercup, Blossom*, Torpie, Stormie, Codi, Aspen, Harley, Pookie, Lil Bit, Pumpkin, Tortilla*, Annabelle, Cookie, Lola, Tess*, Scooter*, Izzie, Bessie, Gracie, Moonbeam, Chloe*, Chili, Jalepano
(the * signifies my personal favorites)

Still, nothing sounded right.

Then, one evening as I was watching tv with the still un-named and gassy cat, eating the last of the 2009 girl scout cookies and bemoaning the fact that it would be another whole year before the next box of Samoas.....wait!
-Samoas are the best cookies ever and make people very happy.
-She came to live with us during girl scout cookie season.
-Mo is an excellent nickname.
-It's just simply the perfect name for her - it's her name.

So, there you have it "Samoa" has been chosen and approved by Faith, by Dave and by many friends (most of who were just glad we didn’t go with Salmonella).

The cat herself? She acts aloof and doesn’t respond when called which, let’s face it, probably means she likes it.