In the relatively short time (10 years) I've been an actual, responsible grown-up who has to do (mostly unpleasant) actual grown-up things such as buy my own groceries, do my own taxes and pay for my own Triple A Membership, I have learned to appreciate the sense of accomplishment that comes with completing the annoying little tasks that simply have to be done in order to make life work. In some ways they are small victories - paid a parking ticket (check), set up some investments (check), signed a lease (check), found a mechanic who I trust (check) - and once conquered, I feel a sense of accomplishment in knowing that I may actually one day be a full-fledged adult (it's kind of a long-range goal).
In all of these little victories, however, there is exactly one "grown up experience" that has been particularly unpleasant and in which I can find little to no sense of satisfaction, even after it's been accomplished. Rather predictably, it involves the Department of Motor Vehicles and is therefore required by DC law. The one thing that brings only the truest form of dread and the purest sense of horror into what tends to be a relatively optimistic (no, not sunny, I would never claim sunny...but definitely optimistic) view of life is....drumroll please...taking my car in for it's inspection.
Let me lay the foundation for my case:
1) I grew up in Attica, Indiana where (at least when I was growing up) car inspections are not required. You just register your car - that's it. It's really a lovely system.
2) I work in Virginia where you can have your car inspected at practically any gas station. If your car doesn't pass the inspection, you simply pay the mechanic who did the inspection more money and he or she fixes the problem then and there...again, a lovely system.
3) I live in the District of Columbia which has exactly 1 inspection station. That's right, you heard me correctly, every single car, truck, cab and motorcycle owner in DC has to take their vehicle to the same physical location to be inspected. This inspection station is open from 8 to 2 on Saturday and 8 to 5 every other day of the week. Since the Monday through Friday times are pretty much impossible for anybody who has a job, it's not uncommon to arrive at 6 AM on a Saturday morning and find the line of cars wrapped around a few blocks.
4) The first time I took my current car (a Chevrolet named Lumi) through the inspection process he failed 3 times. 3 times I went to the inpection station and waited in line for 2 1/2 hours, 3 times they told me that he failed the emissions test, 3 times they gave me a little handout with a bar graph comparing where certain emmissions were supposed to be and where Lumi's were and 3 times I followe up by taking the car to a mechanic who told me that the bar graph told him absolutely nothing and that all he could do (for a minimum fee of $50) is tweak a few things and hope for the best. While tweaking eventually solved whatever seemed to be the problem, it was a long, painful, expensive process and just thinking about it makes me want to cry.
A few weeks ago I arrived at work, sat at my desk and looked over at my weekly calendar to see what was ahead for the week. My stomach began to sink as I slowly realized May was here. Yes, May means Mother's Day and Spring and Memorial Day, which are all great, but in my mind May really only means one thing...car inspection. Sadly (pitifully, actually, and feeling extremely sorry for myself) I started looking over my Saturdays to decide which ones were to be sacrificed to the DC DMV. I decided to set several Saturdays aside and to go into the process expecting to fail at least twice - so as not to put too much stress on Lumi (he's sensitive). For the next week or so I walked around with a thundercloud over my head - a sense of dread that I could not shake. The time, the money, the frustration...it was just too much.
As I was walking to the car one night after work last week, it occurred to me that it had been a while since I cleaned out the little area below the windshield where all of the flyers for new clubs and concerts get stuck when they blow out from under the windshield wipers. My eyes were inexplicably drawn to the little green inspections sticker where I saw the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life - a 9!!! That's right, instead of 5/24/08, the expiration date on my inspections sticker read 5/24/09.
I cannot begin to explain the joy I felt at that moment. I'm sure that childbirth is amazing but I really don't see how seeing your newborn baby for the first time can possibly compare to realizing that you don't have to go back to the DC inspection station for a whole year. Winning an Olympic gold medal? - Not really that big a deal. Winning the lottery? - Please! Simple pleasures.
Further online research confirmed that inspections are required not every year but every other year, which I probably knew at one point but filed away in the "I don't want to think about it" section of my mind with all of the other pieces of information relating to the DMV.
So for another year life is good but you may want to keep your distance come May 2009 - it could get ugly!
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